Too Many Coincidences Not To Mention....

 

This year I seriously thought I was better equipped to handle Mother's Day.  That is so far from the truth; yesterday and today has been an emotional upheaval of memories and feelings.  I  cried alligator tears one minute and the next I am unleashing anger over Jason's death on my baby sister (yes I have apologized profusely - thank God she understood and was sympathetic).  Mitch Carmody who speaks on grief sent this message to the grieving Mothers of Compassionate Friends:
"No matter how many years will pass - your heart will hurt this day.  Like a glowing ember flaring up the pain returns your way.  There is nothing that can be said, nothing anyone can do.  No one can heal the pain inside of you. It is your pain, the greatest burden a mother can bear. Find solace the best you can in knowing a mother's love transcends all time and space.  And no matter where your child is - they will feel your heart's embrace."

And so in true fashion my son let's me know he is near:

1. Yesterday a lady approached me - she had on a beautiful dragonfly necklace. (Jay's poem - the Dragonfly)
2.  Immediately after leaving the parking lot - a truck passed me; attached to the front of his grill was a Tasmanian Devil (Jay's nickname in school)
3. I received this card from Compassionate Friends; yes I am Forever Jay's Mom           
4. As I left the cemetery this morning; I turned and said to Jay please visit me today. When I got into the car I received this tex. "Happy Mother's Day - I love you to the moon and back".  Yes it was from my sweet Morgan but I also knew that Jay found a way to let me know that he loves me to the moon and back also.
5. Home after the cemetery; I felt so tired.  Crying takes so much energy physically and mentally. I decided to lay down for awhile - but something told me to look outside.  Perched on my deck railing was the most beautiful orange oriole.  Never saw a bird like this in my yard ever; Jay knows how much I love the birds. 
6. But the best of all messages came late tonight after I left my youngest son.  It was dusk but I could see something shiny in the bushes at the edge of the woods.  It was this balloon that had gotten away from someone and made it's way to my home - "YOU'RE A GREAT MOM"

 There are no coincidences; things happen for a reason.  Mitch is right; my Jay he always feels my heart's embrace.  Miss my son and love him to the moon and back for always.  God Bless all grieving Moms this day.