Copper Dragonfly

A day does not go by that I do not think about Jay, but I know that he is looking down on me and is proud that I use the tragedy of his death to help others who have also lost a child.  I haven’t written not for lack of desire but for lack of a peaceful heart.  This Wednesday makes two weeks that I have left the gray and cold weather of Connecticut; for the warmth of the sun in the South.

My challenge has been being here alone; solitude has been a time of healing but I find at times that I get lost in my thoughts and grief  slips back in. A couple days had gone by and I was feeling more sadness than peace in my heart.  I was in a parking lot sitting in my car.  My dear friend and I were talking about my Jay and of course the tears started to flow.  As if queued; a beautiful copper dragonfly with the most beautiful iridescent wings started darting back and forth across my windshield. I had the convertible top down and now the dragonfly is in and out of my car.  It wasn’t leaving; I am so excited - my Jay always comes when I need him the most.  He gives me a sign and always lets me know he is near.

Today was a better day; I made a point of meeting new people.  I stood at the edge of the ocean plucking seashells from her shore; sending the people back home pictures of the beautiful beach.  In my heart I was at peace; I am not alone – I will always have my Jay and God.

Reflection: Psalm 126:5
"Those who plant in tears will harvest with shouts of joy."

Beam Me Up

Today is one of those days where the journey of grief wears heavy on my heart.  Sometimes the reality of my son's death just blindsides me.  Just for one moment I would love to feel a Jay hug, hear a deep Jason guttural laugh or see the sparkle in his eyes.  Heard this song today; wish I could be beamed up to where you are my son. "In my head, I see your baby blues"

 Tomorrow I will try again.  God Bless all grieving parents.

Beam Me Up.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFYm9LKsuUo

There's a whole n'other conversation going on
In a parallel universe
Where nothing breaks and nothing hurts
There's a waltz playing frozen in time
Blades of grass on tiny bare feet
I look at you and you're looking at me

Could you beam me up,
Give me a minute, I don't know what I'd say in it
Probably just stare, happy just to be there holding your face
Beam me up,
Let me be lighter, tired of being a fighter,
I think, a minutes enough,
Just beam me up.

Some black birds soaring in the sky,
Barely a breath like our one last say
Tell me that was you, saying goodbye,
There are times I feel the shiver and cold,
It only happens when I'm on my own,
I tell ya, tell me, I'm not alone

Could you beam me up,
Give me a minute, I don't know what I'd say in it
I'd Probably just stare, happy just to be there, holding your face
Beam me up,
Let me be lighter, tired of being a fighter,
I think, a minutes enough,
Just beam me up.

In my head, I see your baby blues
I hear your voice and I, I break in two and now there's
One of me, with you

So when I need you can I send you a sign
I'll burn a candle and turn off the lights
I'll pick a star and watch you shine

Just beam me up,
Give me a minute, I don't know what I'd say in it
Probably just stare, happy just to be there, holding your face
Beam me up,
Let me be lighter, tired of being a fighter,
I think, a minutes enough,
Beam me up
Beam me up
Beam me up
Could you beam me up.

Reflection

 "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you" (John 14:27)

New Year's Resolutions

Last night as I said my prayers; I continue to ask for the changes that I need for 2013.  I pray that I have the courage and strength to live my life more joyfully, to face my obstacles without fear/defeat and to be more gentle with myself; expecting more than what I am capable of being.  This is the message I received; when I went to my web-page. A calmness came to my heart.

"Be strong and courageous...The Lord will be with you wherever you go." - Joshua 1:9

I subscribe to this wonderful site called the "Griefbox".  They posted this list of "New Year's Resolutions for those who Grieve.  So apropos...