Memorial Day: Jay sends help....

Today was another first for me since Jay left us.  Every Memorial Day since my father's passing, I have cleaned up his plot, planted flowers and put up an American Flag.  Today was different  though,  for the first time I needed to do my son's resting place also..  I have procrastinated all week; finding excuses, knowing this was going to be a "TRIGGER" for me.  And it was!!!!  I washed away the dirt on his cemetery stone, planted flowers and pulled grass; all the while staring at his beautiful face etched in his stone.  In my head I kept screaming this is not fair; this is not right - I should not be planting flowers at my baby boy's grave site.  Cried and cried I did; I asked Jay to give me some sign of hope today - anything because I am knocked to my knees. When I went into my car; I noticed a had a message on my phone.  My best friend had called at the exact time I was begging Jay for a sign of hope.  Her message said "I was checking on you."  Jay has sent her to me so many times when I don't have the courage to do this grief journey.  She calms my heart and gives me hope to try again tomorrow.