Hope For Me Today

Last night I dreamt of my grown-up Jay; he looked exactly the way I last saw him.  He was very excited to show me this dump of an RV he had bought.  Jay was one that always wanted me to come see what he was doing or what he had fixed.  Sometimes it would back fire on me like the time he fixed the air compressor and chased me around with the air hose.  Miss those days; the dream left me feeling melancholy and lonely.


I dressed for church and left early to meet Jays' best friend for breakfast.  Jay was and always will be his wingman; we both miss him very much.  Jared still remains loyal to my Jay and keeps in touch with me all the time.  It's his way of being there when he knows Jay can't.  We both said goodbye with heavy hearts.


After church I went to the cemetery as I always do to water the flowers and have quiet moments.  My heart was feeling more and more burdened. 


When I came home I turned on Jay's music and listened to the words of his favorite singer "Aaron Lewis"; one song in particular "Something to Remind You" had me sobbing.  ENOUGH ENOUGH ENOUGH...........okay Jay I need to move!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I changed my clothes and headed for the gardens; directly in my foot path was a beautiful feather;  Gift #1 - now I am smiling and I say I love you too.  I trimmed - I raked and when I turned to pick up my pile of brush; there sitting on top just as pretty as can be was Gift #2 a "blue-tail dragonfly."  For those of you that have followed my entries - you already know that the dragonfly reminds me of my Jay as it was a poem read at his one year anniversary. So I stood for a while crying and telling Jay how much I miss him but I am trying with all my heart to live life as he would want me too.  If anyone had seen me in the yard talking to a pile of brush for sure they would have thought she has gone batty...crazier then that I ask it to stay so that I can get me camera in the house...and it does.


 My sister asks me tonight - do you think the dragonfly is Jay; because you are worrying me.  I had to laugh and tell her no; but  they are signs that tell me even though I can't physically see my son - we are still connected spiritually.  Jay will forever be my son and I will always have a relationship with him; albeit so very different.  And yes I am feeling so much better tonight!

Blue-Tail Dragonfly Poem - http://www.funeral-poems.net/comment/510