A Brother Left Behind...

When Jay passed he not only left me behind but he left behind his younger brother.  His brother has felt such a tremendous loss since Jay’s passing.  Jay was his protector and most of all his friend.  When I look at pictures of the two of them; Jay’s brother always has his arm around Jay; you could just see the love and admiration in his face.

This grief journey has been incredibly hard for him also; I hate to see him hurting.  Since Jay’s passing I just want to make everything right for him. At whatever cost; be it financial or emotional – I just want to fix it.  I know it’s not right – but my aching heart always trumps the logic in my mind.  I know he needs to live his own life as we all did; working through the good and bad.  But, I keep thinking I can make it all better!

Jays’s passing has so changed me.  Sometimes I am afraid to breath; life is so incredibly fragile.  In a heartbeat everything I knew changed; my world was turned upside down.  I didn’t see the freight train coming.  Death of my child has left me cautious, fearful and vulnerable.  I hang on a little too tight to my youngest.  Before Jay’s passing; I could live my life separately from that of my children.  Now I NEED to see, talk - connect in some way with my youngest all the time.   The hole so big in my heart and fear so real that I just need to know he is okay.  How hard it must be for the sibling left behind to pick up the pieces!

I need to work harder at harnessing my fears and loosening the tether to my youngest son. He needs to learn his own life lessons and go THROUGH the grief.  I have been trying to help him go around it; but that will only prolong the grief journey.   I thank the Lord for my youngest son; he gives me purpose to try a little harder each day – to keep moving – to keep living……..
God Bless the grieving parent.