After Church on Sunday I walked into the house; I felt the emptiness - the quiet was deafening. There is such a big void in the house without Jay's physical being. I stand in the middle of his room picturing him as I remembered him; sprawled out on his king size bed, watching TV, giving me one of mischievous grins. My heart hurts; I am lonely - keep moving keep moving I tell myself.
As I have done so many times before I head for the sea. In many of my posts I have mentioned my passion for collecting sea glass over the past twenty years. It wasn't until a couple years ago, that something special started to happen. The one color of sea glass that always eluded me was the color red; chances of finding red is one in every 5,000. On 7/24/11, my birthday - one year after Jay had passed I was looking for sea glass. I was talking to Jay as I looked for glass - I told him that if I found red glass (which I never have) I would know that he was there with me. Immediately, I found a red piece and then another. Since Jay's passing I have found six pieces of red sea glass. The times that I have found them are when my heart is at its heaviest. Initially I found no red sea glass and proceeded to get into my car to come home. I will admit I was sad at not finding red glass. Driving away I was moved to stop at a small secluded spot that is only accessible at low tide. As I jumped from the seawall unto the beach, I looked down to see where I was landing - there at my feet is this large piece of red sea glass you see here. Coincidence?
Every time we receive what some call a coincidence or an answered prayer, it's a direct and personal message of reassurance from God to you - what would be called a "godwink". (When God Winks at you by Squire Rushnell)
God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
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Please let me know if I can help in anyway. I am here to listen and share this journey called grief with you.