Been feeling sad the last couple days - can't seem to shake the grief no matter what I do. I went to the cemetery as I always do after Church. Cried my tears and talked to my Jay. Told him that I needed a sign today...I needed to know he was near. Having not done a very good job of nourishing my physical body lately, I decided after leaving the cemetery that homemade soup was the comfort I needed. I took a side road to an I.G.A. Store that I frequent quite often. For me as a grieving parent, I prefer this small store over the larger ones. Simple choices for a taxed mind and I can usually enter and depart without making contact with people I know. Not that I am antisocial; it is just that it makes me sad to see the sorrow in their faces. Anyways I am driving on this side road and stop at a light. Something compels me to look out my passenger side window. There on the banister of an old house is a carved pumpkin, albeit it is not unusual for this time of year. But, still a trigger for me - Jay was born on Halloween. Today though it is not a trigger, a smile is brought to my face. For the carved pumpkin simply says: JAY. Love you my son; you took care of me when you were physically here and you watch over me in spirit.
Update: This morning when I wrote this entry; the song "Calling All Angels" kept playing in my head. I was going to include it on this page but didn't. Instead, I decided to drive back to the old house and take a picture of "Jay's" pumpkin to post with this entry. On the way home I once again stopped at the I.G.A. Supermarket. While in the aisle, a song came over the speaker - yup you guessed right - the song "Calling All Angels". I or someone else is meant to hear this song today so here you go! God Bless all Grieving Parents today. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NcdoHn-FV_s&feature=related.
Jay being Jay!
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