God speaks to me in whispers.....

  As I sit here writing; I was thinking how I am always asking God for BIG signs.  If you hear me Lord  then show me this or that to let me know Jay is okay.  July 9th, the day Jay left us is getting closer and closer and with it  the familiar "deep/raw" heartache is settling in.  It is so hard not knowing if my Jay is in a peaceful place.  It torments me - breaks me; as a Mom I need to know my boys are okay.  I demand God to shout at me but mostly he speaks to me in whispers. Just then a beautiful hawk flies in front of my window and lands in the tree. Yesterday I came across the poem "God Speak To Me"; another gentle whisper.  Then a friend told me this morning that when I see a dragonfly (which always makes me think of Jay); God is whispering "Jason is okay - he is with me."  He told me that when I demand things I am testing God; I just need to have FAITH....I will BELIEVE eventhough at times it's hard for me - I will never understand Jason dieing so young.

GOD, SPEAK TO ME
The woman whispered,
"God, speak to me,"
and a meadowlark sang,
... but the woman did not hear.
So the woman yelled,
"God, speak to me!"
and the thunder rolled across the sky,
but the woman did not listen.
The woman looked around and said,
"God, let me see you,"
and a star shined brightly,
but the woman did not notice.
And the woman shouted,
"God, show me a miracle!"
and a life was born,
but the woman did not know.
So the woman cried out in despair,
"Touch me, God, and let me know you are here!"
whereupon God reached down and touched the woman
but the woman brushed the butterfly away
and walked on.