Change of Seasons

I subscribe to this site called Silent Grief - Child Loss Support. The following analogy that they make was such an awakening.  Now I understand why I am so dreading the coming of fall/winter. 

"To parents of child loss, many times the changing of the seasons from summer to fall and impending winter is a difficult time -- especially to those who live in areas that become cold and barren during the wintertime. There is an added feeling of "loss" that others just don't get. Sunshine and growing grass and blooming flowers give us a sense of hope; dying grass and falling leaves and the stark, cold winter often leave our hearts feeling so empty and alone. Even the changing of the seasons can be a "trigger" for those who have lost a child!"

To All Grieving Parents - God Bless You

Freak Snowstorm on October 29, 2011 the day after my Jay's Memorial Service

Just For Today.

Today was one of those days; I lingered in bed much longer than I should have.  Pulling the covers over my head to block out the sun and the insistent meowing of Luna.  Don't know why the sadness was biting at my heels this morning; but she was - "grief" was here to visit.  Yes I cried this morning and yes my heart was aching.  But by 11am, I was determined that I was going to get moving.  Just for today I will accept that I did not die when my child did, my life did go on, and I am the only one who can make that life worthwhile once more; I read this statement from the following poem this morning. So push myself I did - I vacuumed, cleaned bathrooms and dusted.  When the grief still hung on to my shirt tail, I put on my IPOD  and headed for a long walk.  As I walked I cried and prayed to God for courage.  Courage to live my life wholeheartedly and not just go through the motions.  One of the songs that played on my IPOD was "the Hurt and the Healer" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mxqfDs-64I0  "I am alive though a part of me has died".  This song is for every parent that has an Angel in Heaven - God Bless You

Excerpt from "Just For Today" by Vicki Tushingham

Just for today I will try to live through the next 24 hours and not expect to get over my child's death, but instead learn to live with it, just one day at a time.

Just for today I will smile no matter how much I hurt on the inside, for maybe if I smile a little, my heart will soften and I will begin to heal.

Just for today when my heart feels like breaking, I will stop and remember that grief is the price we pay for loving and the only reason I hurt is because I had the privilege of loving so much

Just for today I will allow myself to be happy, for I know that I am not deserting him by living on.

Just for today I will accept that I did not die when my child did, my life did go on, and I am the only one who can make that life worthwhile once more.     ~ Vicki Tushingham

Say his name.....

Today I just want someone to remember my Jay and to say his name.....I miss him so much

HIS NAME SINGS MY SOUL
The mention of my child's name
May bring tears to my eyes,
But it never fails to bring

Music to my ears.
If you are really my friend,
Let me hear the beautiful music of his name.
It soothes my broken heart
And sings to my soul.
~ Author Unknown

In Loving Memory of Jay Jay

Although we are rarely aware of Angels, I believe there are Angels all around us every day of our lives. They appear as creatures, events and humans. One such Angel in my life is named Morgan, a sixteen year old with the heart of a wise soul. More than anyone, she has touched me with her words and love for Jay. Today she applied salve to my grieving heart with this beautiful "Youtube" video. Thank you my sweet. Love you to the moon and back.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z6OgfvA2yFc&feature=em-share_video_user



A must see video.....so many lessons

Death Grief and Loss of a Son - a Mothers Journey

Story of a mothers journey after the death of her son and the stages of grief that she experienced.
Practical understanding of death

So many messages.............

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zdYiLjzz4sM&feature=share

One step at a time...

The best that I can do on this journey called grief......when today is too hard....I say I will try again tomorrow....God Bless all grieving mothers and fathers

Looking For Hope

         
 I saw this picture on-line; it reminds me of Jay.  Every time I see a butterfly and dragonfly, I think of him. Although my heart is sad, these earthly creatures bring a smile to my face.  Not a day goes by that I don't miss my son but at least now I can smile.

IN GRIEF WE NEED TO LOOK FOR HOPE EVERYWHERE......

Rest for the Weary.....

I have been carrying heavy burdens in my heart.  Not only do I face the challenges of Jay's death but the needs of my family.  I attempt to stand strong and clear headed; but at times feel feeble and tired.  Today I sat in court with the fate of a family member in my hands.  With sad eyes that broke my heart; they pleaded for me to give them guidance.  I just don't know how to fix things anymore....

I've been pretty mad at God lately.   I have begged and begged for just a little reprieve from the chaos in my life.  Chastising him for not listening; feeling like he has turned his back on me.  Even questioning if he is really real.  Wow can grief test our faith!!!!  Jesus never told us that this life would be easy but what He did say to us is that He would make our burdens light. In fact He tells us that in this world we will have trials/tribulations. The question therefore is how do we live in a world that is not burden free especially when you are grieving the loss of a child. 

I came across the following message from two separate sources today; a youtube song and a blog written by Joanne Ellison.  Guess God is trying to tell me to stop screaming at him; that he hears me loud and clear....

• Rest for the Weary

Blog Posted September 4, 2012 by joanneellison in Christian Speaker

This morning I woke up with a Scripture on my heart: Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. 

• Come to Me (with Joanne Cash)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v5J7LZhmuYE&feature=youtu.be  It is so apropos that this video is about Johnny Cash; for Jay just loved this man and his music.

GOD SURE WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS.  TO ALL GRIEVING PARENTS -

 GOD BLESS YOU